If Da Noh Soh!

Sweetheart deals…
Jeez sometimes I feel a little guilty cause I’m sure we make things difficult for the intellectually challenged health minister from up north, but then when I stop to think about it, that bugga deserves everything he gets and more. Latest reports to us are that since we spilled the beans on the minister’s ahem, ahem extra-curricular activities he hasn’t been a happy camper. It was in this column that I expressed my utmost admiration for Pablo. I mean…having a wife and ‘special friend’ with the same name is a stroke of genius. Hell, I even complimented him on buying the exact same type of vehicle for both of them cause I’m sure that’s super convenient when it comes to servicing and maintenance. I thought the minister would be happy for us bigging him up – after all there’s not much good we usually say about him. But he’s not, the ungrateful bugga. I hear he’s been complaining that because of us he’s had to be working overtime, so to speak. See, apparently the wife started complaining that she wasn’t being treated right and so our hapless minister was forced to make her administrator of the Corozal Hospital. Of course she never graduated from high school, but that’s fine, says Pablo, as long as she’s happy. But not so fast! Now the ‘special friend’ is complaining too, so Pablo had to find her a job, so he did. He found a position for her at the Corozal Free Zone Management Agency. She never graduated high school either, I hear. So for the moment, my friend from the north is happy. But if I have anything to do with it, he won’t be happy for long. Keep on reading…If Da Noh Soh!

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Grab the land…
This morning I happened to catch a glimpse of Barbie dread wasting my taxpayer money so he can get in his exercise cycling on the northern highway. That got me pissed. And then I got a report which made me realize why I really don’t like the nasty minister of state. Remember all those tilapia ponds and all that talk about providing employment for the people of Belize Rural North and so on and so forth. Well really, when last did you hear anything about those tilapia ponds? See, word is that the dread dug the ponds with his own equipment (for premium pay, of course), did the requisite photo ops and glamour shots and then went away. Guys from as far up as Rhaburn Ridge are saying that they’ve been left with a worthless hole in the ground and nothing else – no form of assistance or nothing. They say the only ponds that are producing tilapia are ponds which are personally owned by Castro. I don’t remember him saying anything about owning any tilapia ponds. But then again, he didn’t mention that he paid himself for digging the ponds either, did he?…If Da Noh Soh!

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Smelly Dread…
Man I no usually like to get into the issue of personal hygiene but after repeated calls from public officers in the ministry of works and other government departments I decided to do this little bit of public service. People are complaining about ‘Grab the Land’ Castro’s dreads and are asking if he would mind very much just washing his hair every now and then because the smell makes their eyes water when they’re around him. Sorry this had to come out here, smelly dread, but yu too big to be so nasty. Please do something bout it…If Da Noh Soh!

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Kill Smart…
Dem damned vultures at Barrow Telemedia Limited under the leadership of the rich witch can’t seem to get it through their thick skulls that Smart is here to stay. Instead the poor haggard looking COO Karen Bevans has been tasked with meeting with different departments to brainstorm on how BTL can kill Smart. According to Bevans at a meeting held on Tuesday, BTL is hemorrhaging cash and they need to come up with something PDQ. All departments have been tasked with coming up with ideas on how to get Smart out of the industry. That’s funny! The Board decided to make this move after it became obvious that the highly paid spin-gurus in the Marketing Department just weren’t getting the job done. Hell, the rich witch could have asked me what to do – how about fair competition you greedy lice? How about trying to offer better service and better rates and better features? You all should be focused on that instead of trying to cut-throat the competition. Word out of BTL is that there are some very dark and gloomy days ahead…If Da Noh Soh!

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Order of Bomb Experts…
The Prime Minister has taken some serious banging for his decision to award UDP sycophant Kenny Morgan with an OBE. Some of the older heads in the UDP are saying that DOB must have been on the pain meds when he handed in that name. After all, Kenny Morgan is remembered most for his threat to detonate a grenade in the National Assembly. The wise heads in the Party (of which there are admittedly very few) are saying that it just doesn’t look for Kenny Morgan to be given an OBE, especially right now when the nation is at the mercy of urban terrorists whose weapon of choice is a grenade. But it’s already been done, so Morgan is not the butt of jokes in the UDP who are saying that it still fits, since OBE can stand for Order of Bomb Experts…If Da Noh Soh!

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Creamy benefits…
These damned UDPs no have no shame, it looks like. Remember when we showed you employees of the Ministry of Housing working on the expansion to their boss’ home. That just messed up because Belizeans every day are slider deeper into the hole of poverty while the scant resources are being used to benefit the UDP fat cats. Well it seems that Finnegan decided to pass on the bounty to his friends. Reliable word is that a vehicle from the Ministry of Housing along with a crew from that ministry have been seen working on this home of Karim ‘Creamy’ Berges on Baymen Avenue. Creamy is the UDP campaign manager and alleged bag man (along with his brother) for DPM Gaspar Vega. Damn but it’s good to be privileged UDP right now…If Da Noh Soh!

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Damned greedy Barrows…
Dem damned Barrows really getting out of hand. Lawd but dey no have to be so ‘grabalicious’ and greedy. Word reaching this columnist is that the little Lice-lette/Deanne has hit her daddy with a whopping $2Million bill for her services in the Westerhaven case. Daddy is said to be caught between a rock and a hard woman. See, normally he’d pay up without a murmur or a quibble to keep the lice happy but with all the stink being raised right now bout this recession thing and about how his family and friends are scooping up the little left in the public trough, he’s in a little jam. Word out of his office is that he’s meeting with lice and licelette to see if he can negotiate a little daddy-discount. I wish him luck in his negotiations with the first wife second lady cause I’ve heard that the lady don’t take country. It’s all about the cash…If Da Noh Soh!

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