If Da Noh Soh…

Mi bally Kim…

Mein I’ve got a lot of UDP shenanigans, bloopers and blunders to deal with this week, what I like to call my version of the dumb, dumber and truly asinine show. And speaking bout dumb, I happened to get a look at a blog featuring the first lady second wife in which she’s captured in a truly ‘special’ moment. Kim in an interview with a foreign journalist was heard to complain about the health system in Belize. According to mi bally Kim, in hospitals around the country grown men who are sick are put into the same beds as babies and children because there is a chronic shortage of beds. Hmmm! She says that is bad because we don’t know the history of these men and they could actually be offenders of children. I think that the first lady second wife fell out of bed one morning, hit her head and came up with that there gem. Things are plenty bad in the health system, Kim, but that is one that I haven’t heard about. Methinks that when Kim was asked about problems in health she had no idea what to say so just pulled a ‘special’ thought out of her head. No wonder foreigners think we’re a backward nation and live in trees, when we got spokespersons like Kim talking crap. Jeez!

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It’s your husband, stupid!

Maybe the journalist should have asked Kim about the $160,000 vehicle her husband bought for the Minister of Health, or the millions her husband is paying to his ex-wife and daughter in exorbitant legal fees. Wonder how many hospital beds could have been bought with that money? When Kim was out there relating all these horror stories, seems she should have remembered that her husband is the Prime Minister of the nation and the one to blame for the mess that the country is in. Maybe we’ll get a chance to ask these questions when we visit Kim in her new plush office on Coney Drive. A little bird in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs claims that GOB will be paying for a, get this, Office of the First Lady on Coney Drive. Hmmm! Kim, maybe you could tell us how much hospital beds the monthly rental on your new office could buy, so that grown men wouldn’t have to be put into the same beds as babies and children.

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On Campos & Casinos…

Reliable sources from up north tell us that Mayor of Corozal Town Hilberto Campos is currently the subject of an internal investigation. He is alleged to have given himself some $30,000 in salary advances from Town Council coffers. Hell, that’s not so farfetched because we know that the Mayor has a chronic case of gambling fever and spends half his life patronizing the nearby casinos. What makes this case very interesting is that it is being discreetly pushed by none other than Pablo Marin, who has heard rumours that Campos is being looked at as his possible replacement in the very near future…If Da Noh Soh!

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The short list…

Who seh dat the BTL Board lazy and sleck? Man, the Board of Barrow Telemedia Limited has been hard at work doing no good. Apart from holding weekly meetings with different departments telling them that they have to come up with ways to get rid of Smart, the haggard COO has also been tasked with coming up with a short list. In case you’re wondering if that’s a list of new features, services or ways in which they can cut costs to customers, it’s not. Get that out your head. The list the Board has requested is a list of all employees believed to be supporters of the People’s United Party. Can you imagine that? The Board better get the sense quick, fast and hurry! Word is that the Union minus Paul Perriott has already got a glimpse of the political retrenchment axe in the distance and is strategizing as we speak, or as you read. And by the way, BTL employees are already being told that they need to be careful how they associate with employees of Smart. How stupid can the Board of BTL be? Very, very stupid for sure! It’s made up mostly of Barrow and FoBs and SoBs…If Da Noh Soh!

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They are listening…

The PUC’s space-vehicle has come under heat lately. According to the nutcases at the Commission, the vehicle which we are told cost $2.3million will be used to monitor frequencies to ensure that radio stations are staying in line. Yeah right! Nobody believed that crap from the very beginning. Listen, radio stations use a handheld device similar to a walkie-talkie to monitor their frequencies. That device can be bought at any Radio Shack in the USA for a couple hundred dollars. So the PUC paying $2.3million for a vehicle to do the same thing is just plain bogus. Don’t trust the government. Hell, Barrow has said that he supports eavesdropping on private calls and wiretapping. Hell, GOB just brought in a team of Israelis to train them in wiretapping and monitoring phone calls, texts, emails and chat messages. What more evidence do you need? Big ugly stepbrother Dean and little mutant stepbrother Carlos are listening….Dat das oh!

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Sipping at the sauce…

Word just reaching us is that Minister of National Security has placed a call to the top brass of the Police Department demanding a list. He wants a list of all non-functioning policemen in the Department. Imagine that – the non-functioning minister demanding a list of non-functioning policemen. Maybe he wants to put them on his special staff. Anyway, though, on a serious note it is alleged that when the minister made that call he was under the influence of, shall we say, his constant liquid companion. It’s damned dangerous when a minister in charge of a sensitive portfolio like national security makes his decisions while that liquid companion whispers in his ear…damned dangerous…If Da Noh Soh!

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Those privileged few…

Remember the CEO at the Ministry of Housing, Rosalie Saldivar, the sister of Minister John Saldivar. She was sent on fully paid study leave immediately after the UDP got into office and has not been seen since. Well everyone assumed that she was busy improving her intellectual capacity abroad, hard at work educating herself so she could come back and help to develop the nation, albeit at taxpayer expense. So imagine everyone’s surprise when it was learnt that Saldivar is pursuing her degree online. Nobody would have known, but she was spotted exercising on the Ring Road in Belmopan late one night and one thing led to another and an investigation turned up the truth. Mein this is just wrong – completely wrong. Fully paid study leave so she can stay home and pursue her degree online. What a sick joke…If Da Noh Soh!

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Make the switch…

When the Barrow Telemedia Company started its switch thing in an attempt to screw Smart, I just knew there was something off with the deal. Here was this company offering apparently nice phones for just $29. What was the catch? Well boy did we find the catch. See, Carlos Perdomo’s nephew and the son of the Prime Minister/BTL Executive/Tech savvy business guru Anwar are allegedly partners in a local company which sells cellular phones. As we understand it – they provide phones to BTL for $400 and BTL makes the switch for $29. It’s called the new improved fleecing of the Barrow Telemedia Limited. And hell, since we now apparently own BTL since it’s been ‘Belizeanized’ (sick joke), it’s called the fleecing of Belizeans, sans Vaseline…If Da Noh Soh!

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And then…

And then there’s the passport thing. All sorts of rumours are floating around that Perdomo’s nephew and the PM’s son are big buddies in the UDP’s new economic citizenship programme. Translation – they sell passports, collect beaucoup bucks. We’ll leave this one alone for the time being, in the interest of acquiring proof in black and white, or red, as the case may be. But what is in dark will come to light, and we’ll have the full scoop sooner rather than later…If Da Noh Soh!

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Student for life…

I wouldn’t want that sensitive bunch over at diet COLA/KREM to get antsy about the whole thing, but the University of Belize management is asking that Moses Sulph please stop using a hat with a UB logo when he makes public appearances, because it’s an embarrassment to them. Apparently the man tasked with leading diet COLA’s campaign against wrongdoing is being taken to Court for using student government funds to purchase a motor scooter for himself. Ouch. Kinda takes the feathers out of diet COLA’s wings. Diet COLA – no caffeine, no calories…If Da Noh Soh!

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