If Da No Soh

Lois, Lois, Lois

This columnist would like the Roman Catholic Church as well as the Anglican Congregation to please send us a copy of the application or petition that you have to submit to Rome or to Canterbury for the Canonization of a Saint.

The way Barrow lauded praise on his first wife and second lady would make anyone believe she was destined for sainthood.  That is anyone except the second wife, first lady, who must have flung the radio clear across the room when the PM was condemning every attorney in the country at the expense of his Lois.   Lois is the savoir of Belize and the one who led the ACB, it was Lois who did all that pro bono work for the Unions, Lois was the champion of all civil organizations.  Lois is the only lawyer who didn’t sell out to the “ungodly” and as if that was not enough, Lois took a cut in her Social Security Stipend.  The one thing Mr. Barrow did not say about the first Mrs. Barrow was how much tax payer dollars have been paid out to Lois and or her law firm. Lois! Lois! Lois!  Hum, aren’t they supposed to be divorced?  If da no so…

Whichever is Cheaper?

While we still do not know how much money Lois and or her law firm made in the first two years of the Barrow Administration, we know it has to be in the millions.  Of course the Prime Minster makes no apologies for how much money Lois made from government, but when it comes to the issue of putting the criminals behind bars?  When it comes to finding the resources to bring criminals to justice, we are going to remind what he said when asked about our forensic capacity to gather evidence against the criminals: “whatever is cheaper.”  So I hope all those people who are victims of crime and violence understand that when it comes to Lois, it is sainthood, where justice is concerned it is about cheaper, there is shame in his game.  If da no so …

Sedi’s Bucket List

Here at “If da no so” we know that Barrow has to juggle his deck of cards soon.  Sadly the deck is full of all jokers, so whatever hand is played it won’t make a difference to Belizeans, except if you are the Foreign Minister.  Because he is well aware that his days are numbered, friends near and far tell us that the minister has in mind something of a his own bucket list.  Last week it was dinner with Kaddafi in Tripoli, next we hear of a possible trip to Harare, Zimbabwe and then on to Pyon Gyang for tea with Little Kim.  Who is paying? We suspect tax payers of course and who’s in charge at the Ministry? We here it’s the Imperial Band.  If da no so …

Tek Dat Patrick

There is a good old saying that sometimes less is more.  Will somebody please pass this message on to Minister Patrick?  This super minister dared to speak out of turn and had to be put in check by the Boss Man.  Now Po Minister Patrick, who was caught in left field when the Union demanded their much needed raise of pay, told Jules that the raise was “in the pipeline.”  He said, “We know the cost of living out there is high and we know that it is indeed a difficult time to survive, so it is imperative that we sit down and dialogue and come up with something that is agreeable to both sides.  We are not running away from that.”   “No” so said the “Chief” who gave Patrick permission to say any raise is in the Pipe Line?  Two days later the Chief said to Amandala “we don’t have the money, Punto final” dat means no raise fu teachers.  Tek dat Patrick.  Next time, think befo yo talk bawi.  “If da no so …”

New Rules

This week we borrow from Bill Maher something that is a popular segment from his show “Real Time,” and in return we will allow Bill to use our “If da so … “ on one of his shows,  so here goes:

“New Rule”

Phillip Willoughby should no longer put his face on television because he has no credibility and people are onto his tricks, we just hope no one connected to him was involved in the recent, recent money scandal at City Hall. “Accurate”

“New Rule”

Zenida Moya needs to stop posing with other people’s money.  No one, not even the UDP supporters want to see Z posing between a donor and a recipient where money is concerned.  We fraid she underdeposit it.  Of course we wish “Fudge” a speedy recovery.

“New Rule”

Laad no mek Belizeans hear “Boots” say he “have fu be real” again!   The last time he got “real” the FIU told Boots that he couldn’t deposit more than $10,000 in a single transaction without reporting it even if it is for “fixing pool tables.”

New Rule,

John Saldivar needs go on a diet.  If he is going to wear a suit in the house, he needs to lose weight.  We can’t survive another House Debate with what we saw last year.  And while we are at it, Ministers have to stop getting their wives to fight their fights.  We are tired of hearing the wives attacking ministers for their husbands.  Who would have thought that the day would come when Lois would go after Sedi and Dianne go after Penner?  And by the way, Minsters, what happens in cabinet should be confidential, it should not be a part of pillow talk.

Filipin Behave

Here at If da no so we like Sharon Marin, we believe she cuts no slack on anyone and so it came as no surprise to us when she “scold” Melvin Hulse Wednesday morning on the WUB.  You see Melvin wouldn’t shut up, not even for “Boots” who was trying to explain why he has not been able to fix the Lords Bank and Ladyville roads.  While Boots stumbled over words like “cognizant,” Flippin in his usual rude and disgusting ways kept interrupting.  Sharon had no choice but to put him in check and handle him like the child he is and say to him: “behave yo self!”  If da no so …

Weh Di Grada Deh?

Last we heard, a Public Works officer was being held for questioning over the missing grada.  Boots can’t account for the grada, Cadet can’t find the grada, he done give up, saying it went to Guatemala, but our sources tell us that di grada is right here in Belize and instead checking up on the driver, they ought to be investigating along the old Maskal Road where we are told it was last seen headed in the direction of Bomba.  If da no so…

It takes a thief

Everyone is thinking that someone at City Hall know when fu find missing money, like a good detective, some powerful people managed in two hours to conduct a complete investigation, get confessions and recover stolen funds from the City’s money.  Wow! This is fast work.  No forensic science needed here, but den again, as my granny used always says, “It takes a thief to catch a thief.”  “If da no so …’

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