If Da Noh Soh…

Back off…

The sissy boy editor of the Guardian has been playing some really ‘funny’ games lately. He’s been throwing some homophobic jabs all over the place, which leads me to think that he’s become a wee bit confused about his own sexual orientation. But see, the sissy boy thinking he’s now straight is kinda like locking the gate after the horses have already gotten out; a bit like pulling up the pants after the goods done been plundered, so to speak – get the sense. Listen, the policy here is strictly to each his own! Me no mind nobody business cause I no want anybody to mind my own. I’ve known a lot of homosexuals who are real men, and a lot of homosexuals who are not real men – sissy boy definitely falls into the second category. As way of warning, let me just say this – I’ve got this video clip of sissy boy in his ‘days before confusion’ and I’m itching to become part of the ‘youtube’ movement. All it’ll take is a click of the button…If da noh soh!

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Cash reward…

Word coming out of the red headquarters over on that side is that Big Momma is offering a cash reward for the name of the person who wrote this very column last week. Hmmm! Now why would Big Momma be interested in last week’s column? Could it be that the hairy Senator is furious because a certain name of a certain CEO who is a certain special friend of hers was mentioned in If Da Noh Soh last week? Could be! Hell, fat one, give me a call and I’d be happy to provide you with the name of the person who wrote this column…hahahahaha…If da noh soh!

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Bad bad Badi…

And now that’s we’ve taken out the trash, let’s deal with the rubbish. This is not the first time we’ve had cause to write about the very ‘funny’ and hopelessly incompetent Ambassador Said Badi Guerra. Reports have been flooding in from Cuba about some very animated parties involving young boys. But like we’ve said, that’s neither here nor there. Word out of the foreign ministry is that the UDP’s bad boy has been recalled from Cuba as part of an ongoing investigation into irregularities with the issuing of Belizean visas. Seems like Guerra’s name came up after a recent planeload of Chinese entered Belize from Cuba and their documents were kosher. Jeez, and here we were thinking that the worst that could come from Badi’s appointment was some lurid sex scandal…If da noh soh!

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A monopoly on blackness…

A column written by my friend the Patriot last week seems to have pissed off some people over at the Amandala. Their Tuesday editorial is all about the Patriot and his dubious lineage, so to speak. To be truthful, it made his day. But I’m not so inclined. I guess somebody forgot to send us the memo or royal decree which states that only residents of the zinc fence are authorized to speak about blackness. Guess they have exclusivity on blackness, or so they believe. To be really black and qualified to write about blackness, I’m assuming from what they wrote, there is a requisite amount of hours which must be spent under the tutelage of those most eminent blacks behind the zinc fence. Whoever writes the editorial claims that Kremandala is the southside’s most authentic institution. Ha! Okay buddy, if you say so. Just letting you know though, that if saying something is so would make it so I’d be rich, handsome, slim and a sex god. None of that has happened yet. On Friday, Patrick Faber basically said that the zinc fence is nothing but a rusty fence. According to Faber, those behind the zinc fence are nothing but a bunch of punks and he’s ready for them whenever they want to step. Like the proverbial man who gets slapped silly in a bar by a bully and then runs home to beat up on his defenseless wife and kids, the zinc fence used its editorial to beat up on the Patriot after being slapped silly by Patrick. Say it ain’t so…If da noh soh!

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Shyne who?

So Shyne, the estranged son of Dean Barrow, got himself a record deal worth a reported US$7million. Big deal and bully for him. Got nothing against the fellow, but I don’t see how his record deal will benefit anybody living in poverty in Belize, and I sure as hell don’t see how it will help me to put food on my table tonight. Don’t see it alleviating the problems in health or crime either. So forgive me if I say that I put Shyne way way back on the list of important things facing this people and this nation. But I’ve got to say this. There’s no way in hell that our Director of International Affairs Protocol should have been dispatched complete with protocol staff and vehicles to facilitate Shyne’s multi-million dollar record deal. No way no how. So here we are with the economy in recession and with the Prime Minister telling us that if yu tink things bad, yu no see nothing yet! Yet our taxpayer dollars can be used to facilitate making the Prime Minister’s son a rich man from a deal that ain’t got nothing to do with us. That just plain wrong. Like we’ve said many times before, while the economy for the rest of us may be in recession, the economies for the Barrow family and friends are robust and performing. For them, these are the best of times…If da noh soh!

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And talking bout that…

Since we’re on the subject of foreign affairs, can somebody explain why it is that whenever the Minister of Foreign Affairs Sedi Elrington is travelling anywhere, an entire protocol team has to leave Belmopan just to escort him to the airport, walk him out to the apron and to his seat and stow his carry-on in the overhead compartment? Seems like the man is living in an artificial world in which he is somebody special who deserves the pampering allotted to a king…If da noh soh!

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Somebody’s listening…

For the week leading up to the BNTU protest in Belmopan, the high-tech vehicle brought in by the Government of Belize was seen parked in strategic spots in Belmopan, even as members of the unions held meetings to organize their demonstration. According to the PUC, the multi-million dollar vehicle will be used to monitor frequencies, a job which the PUC failed to mention could be done with small handheld units costing a couple hundred dollars each. So nobody’s buying that bogus story. Hell, the Prime Minister stated openly that he supports eavesdropping on private conversations and communications. They even brought in a team of Israelis to train them in snooping, though they say that it is in the interest of national security. Newsflash to Barrow, the biggest threat to national security is the bumbling drunken minister Carlos Perdomo. And as for the multi-million dollar vehicle, we hear that in some neighbourhoods there’s a bounty on its head, so to speak. Word of advice to the snoops and sneaks – be careful where you drive and careful who you snoop on. That multi-million dollar vehicle could very well be made into a multi-million dollar hunk of scrap, in a heartbeat – the same time it takes for you to tap into a private conversation…If da noh soh!

Somebody listened…

Could it be that somebody heard our cries for somebody who is at least functionally literate and able to disseminate police reports with a modicum of coherence? Maybe! Word is that our bally stiletto has been given the ax, the boot, the old heave ho. We’re not sure what led to this joyous occurrence. It could be the fact that with stiletto at the helm of PR, the police department is at the bottom of the public confidence and public appreciation barrel (though to be honest that’s not all stiletto’s fault). It could be that he could barely produce legible police situation reports. Yeah, that could be it, thought the higher ups knew from the beginning that he wasn’t up to the job. It could even be the fact that he ran over a guy with his car and then left him on the ground for dead and the public outcry and outrage was reaching the right ears. Any or all of the above, we don’t care. We’re just happy that he is gone. Is it too much to ask that his replacement possess at least basic knowledge of English and at least a hint of communications skills? If da noh soh!

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