If Da Noh Soh!

While baldy’s away…

Enquiring minds are just dying to know the subject of the private discussions held by certain select UDPs in San Pedro this past weekend. According to reports, the slightly intellectually challenged (oops, mi bally, I meant) DPM called a meeting on the island to deal with some ‘urgent matters’ while the man in charge was out of the country. Oh, to be a fly on the wall! But it wasn’t all about work for sure. The ministers and special ‘friends’ were also feted  at a cocktail party hosted by the barefoot minister at a prime restaurant on the island and to top it all off, sailed along the coast on Saturday on a private boat stocked with lavish ‘treats’ and drinks. This columnist is awfully glad that the UDP ministers and ‘special friends’ had such a fine time on the island, especially in the midst of the recession and the upcoming budget which promises to be extremely painful for most Belizeans. And as to that credible report that we taxpayers funded this ‘fiesta weekend on the island’ for the ministers and special friends…nah, they wouldn’t! Or would they? If Da Noh Soh!

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Purple dread alert…

The weekend in San Pedro may have been fun for the UDPs and friends, but for some islanders Sunday morning left them with a sour taste in their mouths. Several islanders experienced a nasty shock when they arrived on the beach with their kids for a nice swim. There parading up and down the beach in all his ‘glory’ (enter laughter here) was the Barbie dread himself, decked out in the very latest bright purple speedos. Definitely not a sight for the faint of heart! I tell you, the man might make a mockery out of his nickname ‘clear the land,’ but he sure as hell ‘cleared the beach’ that Sunday morning…If Da Noh Soh!

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Early campaigning…

It’s kind of interesting that the photo taken that weekend surfaced when it did. See, reports have been surfacing of a serious rift within the UDP, and it all has to do with the UDP convention supposed to be coming up a little later this year. Word out of the UDP is that the little runt with plenty ambition but little hope wants his shot at Deputy Leader of the UDP (which he hopes will catapult him into the top spot – but keep dreaming, Pats). The other man with his eye on the second spot is our friend from the far west, who is a deputy leader in name only and wants the real spot held by his colleague from the north. Notice who’s missing from the picture? So it looks like our semi-literate friend from Orange Walk heard those rumours too and is shoring up support one time…If Da Noh Soh! 

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Some confirmation please…

This columnist has received some reliable reports that the CEO in the Ministry of Natural Resources was involved in a traffic mishap recently in which she knocked down somebody and totaled a brand new government issued Toyota Rav4. I’d like some confirmation of that report, if possible, since it certainly won’t be found on any police sitrep. And could somebody also look into reports that the same CEO has already been issued a new government ride, a brand new Toyota Hilux? Can anybody say recession? Can anybody say hard times? Damn, if the report is true then our friendly CEO will soon catch up to the drunken UDP area rep in the north who has totaled four GOB vehicles so far and is working on a fifth…If Da Noh Soh!

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All businessmen are thieves…

Word on the grapevine is that a group of businessmen met recently with a select team from the ministry of finance to discuss upcoming events, ahem, ahem, more taxes I mean. Apparently it didn’t end as cordially as it began, though, because we understand that one member of the financial team blurted out that the reason they have to raise taxes is because all Belizean businessmen are thieves. Ouch. Guess they’re learning from the big bald boss. According to Barrow and the UDP, all attorneys (except Lice) are in Ashcroft’s pocket; all policemen and customs officers are corrupt; all teachers are ignorant and all doctors and nurses are lazy. Guess the only perfect ones are those Barrow bluebloods who are mentioned most frequently. I guess the rest of us common Belizeans just don’t match up in the royal scheme of things…If Da Noh Soh!

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All is not well…

The PM is so caught up in his own little barrowesque fairytale that he’s losing track of what’s going on right around him. Sources right down deep inside the UDP camp claim that the boss man’s financial wizards are frustrated and angry and ready to walk. One in particular who is often seated at the right hand of the master has been heard to confide that Barrow doesn’t know the first thing about finance and economics and should stick to law. Apparently, Barrow isn’t taking the advice he has been given and is just riding roughshod over everyone’s opinion. There’ll be a lot more said from inside the UDP camp on this matter very son, and there wasn’t even any need to dispense 30 pieces of silver…If Da Noh Soh!

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New CitCo taxes…

Mayor Zenaida Moya has been operating below the radar these days, relishing a few weeks of relative peace after months of battering for her apparent lust for the cookies in that darned public cookie jar. Enjoy these moments, Lady Z, cause the worst is yet to come and the audit will come back to haunt you for sure. But this brief segment of the column isn’t dedicated to sticky fingers, but to UDP fingers reaching into our pockets once again to grab up the precious little we have left. The City Council has come up with a gem of an idea for increasing revenues in their coffers (too bad they haven’t come up with an idea on how to use that revenue for legitimate purposes). See, CitCo is planning to charge all taxi-drivers what amounts to a trade license fee for doing business. That’s right – all taxi-drivers will now have to pay $175 before they can operate. Say 6,000 taxis X $175 and that adds up to a cool $1,050,000 right off the top…If Da Noh Soh!

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All likkered up…

As I’m writing this at around 10:00pm Wednesday night, a call just came in from the north with some interesting information. A little while ago the usually drunk minister from Corozal Southwest and his driver were stopped at a routine Police checkpoint near Escuela Secundaria Tecnica Mexico. As is usually the case, both of them appeared likkered up to the max, so the police officer on the scene proceeded to caution them about the dangers of driving in that condition on the road, in a government vehicle and especially with all the accidents happening these days. Apparently the lecture didn’t sit too well with el drunken norteno, who proceeded to give the police officer a tongue lashing complete with ‘do you know who I is’ dialogue. Reports are that el borracho went so far as to tell the police officer that he would lost his job for daring to stop and lecture him…If Da Noh Soh!

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No water…

This columnist understands that the village of Bullet Tree Falls in the Cayo District does not have any potable water. That’s not for lack of a water system, but because BEL cut out the electricity which is allegedly in arrears some three months, to the tune of $6000. Villagers are saying that one of the reasons is that the UDP appointed water maintenance crew and pump attendants were given a huge raise and the other reason is that the UDP faithful do not have to pay for the water they receive. Whatever the case, villagers are asking what the mostly missing in action Salvador Fernandez will do now to remedy the situation. Our advice to them – look for help elsewhere, cause Salva isn’t worth diddley-squat as a representative and won’t bother to help…If Da No Soh!

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