If Da Noh Soh!

Desperately seeking physical agility…

Shame on our deputy leader for pointing out Minister Pig’s obvious lack of physical and mental agility! Apparently fatty took the insult seriously, especially after he was the butt of jokes from his colleagues and friends. As I was heading out of Belmopan early this morning, there was the large fellow decked out in neon spandex running the ring road and working up a sweat. Seems like he was told by persons close to him that while it’s far too late for him to do anything about his mental agility, (lost cause) he can still do something about his physique, or lack thereof. We wish Minister Pig loads of luck, because by any estimation the job task that he has taken on is gargantuan…If Da Noh Soh!

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Sloppy drunk…

Did anybody manage to get a close look at the saturated minister from up north last week Thursday in the House? He arrived late for the debate and all indications were that he was either drunk or still sodden from the night before. He managed to hold out for an hour or so, throwing stupid comments across the floor before falling into a deep sleep. Apparently the fellow didn’t learn his lesson from the week or so before when he and his driver were caught in the ministerial ride drunk out of their minds. Coincidentally, the policeman who filed the report and arrested the saturated minister’s driver has been transferred from his post in San Narciso to way out west in Bullet Tree. The bald leader better do something about the saturated minister before the fool kills somebody while under the influence…If Da Noh Soh!

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New Chief Justice…

Word reaching this columnist late this evening is that the Chief Justice Abdulai Conteh has been forced to take some 70 days of leave which he has accrued. This comes on the heels of Barrow informing the Bar Association that he has decided not to renew Conteh’s contract and is important in the context of allegations that Barrow is interfering in the judiciary. According to reports, this leave is it for CJ Conteh, and he will not set foot on the bench again. Remember Sedi’s bold-faced endorsement of Justice Manuel Sosa for the position of Chief Justice…well word is that Sosa is indeed on the very short list of those being considered for the post. The brother of the prime minister was also reportedly on that list, but his name has been bumped down after the recent decision in the BEL vs. PUC case in which his impartiality came into question…If Da Noh Soh!

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Firing imminent…

The UDP has been proudly boasting about some 500 persons who were allegedly hired under the rejuvenation project and the deliberate insinuation by Mr. Barrow and Mr. Boots was that this project would continue. That is, until our very own deputy pointed out in the House that there is only a small allocation in the budget for that project as opposed to the $5million last year. Gotcha! Look out for it, people. There is no money available to pay for the so-called rejuvenation of the city, so all those people who were hired will be given the axe sooner rather than later. Wonder who will explain that one? Our guess is it won’t be the golden-tongued wonder who’ll be conveniently busy when that time comes around…If Da Noh Soh!

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Tiptoe Ceasar…

Net ‘Tiptoe’ Vasquez earned his nickname from his posture while using the urinals at BTL (those damned adult urinals) but the little fellow hasn’t let his stature get him down. According to reports, every morning at 8:15 promptly his driver and a secretary must report to his office bearing platters of seedless grapes and apples for his pleasure. Talk about doing it like a little emperor. Wonder who pops the grapes in his mouth and who stands behind him fanning while he enjoys his repast…If Da Noh Soh!

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More firings at BTL…

And just to set the record straight, the firings continue at Barrow Telemedia Limited. A source tells us that three employees were let go last week, with another scheduled to be axed by the end of this week. Did you think we were joking when we made reference to the list of suspected PUP supporters which was requested by the Board of Directors…If Da Noh Soh!

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No show Coy…

Apparently since his public flogging by his boss Mr. Barrow the area rep from down south Juan Coy has been keeping a low profile. He’s been content to harass villagers who do not support him by using the police force which for some reason seems to have been placed at his disposal. Rumour has it that Mr. Coy is also busy most days imbibing the forbidden beverage and at times does not even remember where he is much less that he is the area representative. That must have been the case on Saturday, when the Tumul Kin institute held the grand opening of its expansion. Mr. Coy was to have been the guest of honour, we hear, but up to now nobody has seen him so everybody assumed he was just a little confused and got lost, poor fellow…If Da Noh Soh!

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He left his balls at home…

Jeez, but Orange Walk area rep Marcel Cardona was a pitiful picture as he came hat in hand to the budget debate and sang for his supper in a high pitched falsetto. Somebody close to me leaned over and remarked that it appeared that Cardona forgot to put on his balls when he left home. I would tend to agree, but sure as hell I’m not going to go verify that. Anyway, after Cardona frittered and fluttered and did everything but curtsey and kiss Mr. Barrow’s feet, it occurred to me that the PM has announced that he will be reshuffling Cabinet after village council elections and if there is anything that Marcel loves more than his pride it is his position. I got some bad news for you, Marcy. Gapi has already put out a hit on you and there is no way in hell that you’ll get the nod in the north. But hey, nothing beats a trial but a failure and if you’re in the mood for kissing a$$, I hear there’s a certain businessman in hardware supplies who just might entertain you…If Da Noh Soh!

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Elrington’s nephew…

Does anybody know if there’s a reward being offered for the nephew of Attorney General Sedi Elrington? The guy is a fugitive from justice in the US, where he is wanted in connection with a home invasion and kidnapping. We hear that an application for his extradition was handed in to the AG but oops, he seemed to have lost it somewhere. Blood is thicker than water or justice, right Saint Sedi? Anyway, talk about hiding in plain sight. The gentleman who has eluded and continues to elude the authorities in the US is living the high life in Belize. In fact, he was at a party on Saturday night lamenting the fact that the Belize Times has been so brazen as to put the finger on him. Hell, he should stop worrying about being fingered in the media. If there is a reward being offered for him, we’d lead the authorities to his house for sure…If Da Noh Soh!

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Sissy-boy Joe…

We’d like to take this opportunity to offer just a word of advice to our friend Joe from Wave Radio, the fellow with the 20 year old hair and 100 year old face. It seems that the fellow has been bitten by the homophobic bug and has started calling people derogatory names. But the thing is that if Joe really wants to find some sissy-boys, as he calls them, he doesn’t have to look too far from home at all. We’ll leave it at that because we’ve decided to take the high road and leave family out of the gutter, but don’t test us, Joe, cause we’re not afraid to get down and dirty…If Da Noh Soh!