If Da Noh Soh

Help please…

The people of Belize, or at least those who travel on the Northern Highway have a concern and they’d like to ask baldy for help. See, a couple months ago the big cheese announced that he was anointing a group of big thinkers and brilliant minds from abroad, a sort of PM’s Deli Select, if you will. This group was supposed to apply the latest innovations in science and technology to enhance our economy and take Belize to the next level. Well what we’d like to ask, see, is if before doing all that high-fallutin stuff the group could be loaned to Boots so they could teach he and Cadet how to fix a piece of road. Right by mile 7 on the Northern Highway there’s this little ¼ mile stretch of road that’s been driving the minister and his CEO crazy – it’s been about 6 months now and they still can’t seem to figure out how to pave it and how to fortify the riverbank. Obviously this job is too much for Boots and his sidekick, so we figured there must be something really complicated about this particular little piece of road. So hell, let’s call in the big thinkers cause our people sure ain’t getting the job done…If Da Noh Soh!

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Dickens my bottom…

Last week mini-Mugabe told graduating students that ‘these are the best of times and the worst of times.’ The media ate it up and attendees applauded the fellow for his eloquence and fabulous oratorical skills. But let’s break down what baldy was really telling students – let’s see, these are the best of times. This can be translated from Barrow-speak fairly easily – for the graduating students, the sense of achievement after years of dedicated study must be monumental and they must be feeling pretty damned good about themselves. And as for the worst of times – well that can be translated fairly easily as well. Baldy was telling the students that when they get over that euphoric high of achievement, they’ll get the sense that there ain’t no jobs out there. The UDP messed up everything and destroyed the economy and killed industries so be prepared to sit at home and live off your parents if they can afford to feed you. Yup, the best of times and the worst of times! Baldy was absolutely right…If Da Noh Soh!

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Layoffs…

Mini-Mugabe has been very busy lately travelling to foreign locales, attending a bash here and a bash there, a ball there or a cocktail somewhere else. Seems baldy gets a rash every time he stays in our tropical climes for any length of time. I think he’s in South Florida right now, incidentally. You know what they say about disasters striking where there is plenty corruption, so if those people know what’s good for them they should get him the hell out of there in a hurry. Anyway, the fellow has been silent on the economy lately. Guess there’s no reason for him to say anything since his own economy is so robust and thriving. Word from the business sector is that a major local/regional airline is announcing layoffs effective immediately and is asking management to take pay cuts between $300 – $500. And that’s only one company. Things are bad all over Belize, baldy, but maybe you haven’t noticed since you and wifey are always somewhere else. The time will come, baldy, when you’re going to have to say something, because things sure don’t seem to be getting any better out here. If Da Noh Soh!

From the bowels of BTL…

This columnist has received word that poor beleaguered Karen from BTL was instructed to call in all her department heads and advise them to tell employees that they were attending Dean Boyce’s meeting on Wednesday at their own risk. Karen’s been looking tired lately as she tried to carry out orders from the first son and the first wife. Apparently employees are being asked why they think they have rights to any money from any shares cause they didn’t pay anything toward it anyway. Word out of the big green (sorry, red) machine is that employees are pissed off that their bosses have resorted to threatening their jobs if they attend the meeting with Boyce. Lately the common cry has been – ‘they told us to get rid of the white man, but the white man never got this personal and petty with us.’ Hmmm…If Da Noh Soh!

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Using the union…

Even the union at BTL has come under fire lately since the UDP bosses are using them to push the word that the money from shares is just a pipe dream. The union heads didn’t expect the reaction they got, however. Employees are already pissed at the whole UDP takeover of BTL because they haven’t seen any of the promised benefits. And with all that’s happening right now, employees are calling for the removal of Mark and Paul and if not then the removal of the entire leadership of the union. Things are very, very volatile at BTL right now. Something’s gotta give…If Da Noh Soh!

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Mayor naming streets…

Lawd have mercy…Mayor Zenaida Moya is back in the spotlight and this time her big project is naming the streets in the city which don’t have names yet. Mein somebody needs to escort this lady out of City Hall in a hurry because she’s just one big joke. The clowns in City hall can’t get anything right, so the naming streets thing is just a ploy to let people think they’re doing something, anything. The bogus Mayor announced that she’ll be putting together a committee to select names. I hear that she has already personally submitted a few of them. Pretty soon people will be living on DJ Dalla Drive and Silvino Street and Zenaida Boulevard. You don’t believe me, just wait and see. Hey, the Mayor has done much more scandalous things. Maybe we shouldn’t be surprised to see a couple new roundabouts springing up on Half a Dalla Avenue right across from Hustle Alley. You read it here first…If Da Noh Soh!

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Chancey Barrow…

The multi-millionaire who by some fluke of the ballot became the leader of this small nation is one chancey, neglectful, high-minded sucker. Apparently there’s a basketball just down the street from the royal mansion in front of the sea which was utilized by hundreds of the city’s youth. Crime being what it is under mini-Mugabe, the floodlights over the court were stolen, but did Barrow replace them, seeing as how sports is so important to our youth. Oh no he didn’t! What Mr. Barrow did was pave the street leading to Seashore Drive which he uses to reach home. Then he piled sand on the football field, turning it into a volleyball court which absolutely nobody uses. Then he painted the basketball court red. Yup, that’s right, red. But he didn’t replace the lights so the court is still in darkness…a perfect spot for youth to congregate and smoke weed. Mr. Barrow really doesn’t have a clue…not a clue. If Da Noh Soh!

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