Dean Barrow’s ‘Zen-enema!’

By: Mike Rudon Jr.

Slum (n.) A heavily populated urban area characterized by substandard housing and squalor.

Late last week I had the great misfortune of watching what turned out to be the stupidest movie I have ever seen in my life, called Mega-Piranha. This movie was so bad that if Siskel and Ebert were still around they would not only have given it a ‘thumbs down,’ they would have amputated their hands at the wrist in despair. It was that bad. I guess I only watched it because it was filmed in Belize, and sexist pig that I am I’ll admit that the first 30 seconds of the movie (featuring a beautiful young Belizean woman in scanty bikini) was inspiring, but the rest was sheer, unadulterated, unapologetic garbage.

And since we’re on the subject of garbage, could somebody please vandalize that ridiculous billboard on the Northern Highway…the one that features Zenaida Moya smiling like a dummy with arms extended; the one that says Welcome to Belize City. Thank the good Lord it doesn’t say Welcome to ‘beautiful’ Belize City – even Zenaida isn’t that stupid or brazen. But what an amazing journey it must be for visitors to our shores for the first time…leaving the airport, turning on to the pockmarked and rutted Northern Highway, passing mile 7 which has been under repair for almost a year, driving past that beautiful, bright, colorful billboard and then entering the slums of Belize City. Oh joy and glory!

See, I can’t help but feel that the UDP City Council is getting a free pass. Yes, it absolutely IS a UDP City Council and a UDP Mayor who were placed there to take care of the old capital. Old balls-less (so Zenaida insists) baldy wants to wash his hands of that little thing, but not so fast, buddy. For all the signs of life coming from the Mayor’s office, we might as well dance around chanting ‘ding, dong the witch is dead.’ Hell, from the looks of things at the Council it wouldn’t be too far off to extend the chorus to ‘ding, dong, everybody who swore to work their asses off for the people are dead too.’ Really! So Mr. Barrow has thrown in the towel and the people of Belize have thrown in the towel. Everybody expects NOTHING from the Council and that is just what they get – NOTHING!

At this point you might be wondering about the connection between a stupid movie, a stupid and useless Mayor and a city covered in filth. Well, the thing is that while Mega-Piranha was filmed in Belize City, it was set in Venezuela…a garbage infested, dirty, squalid slum of Venezuela, to be exact. Anybody watching the movie would immediately recognize a lot of main streets in the old capital…main streets! You understand? Our main streets in Belize City were used to simulate a slum in Venezuela and it worked. It was a perfect match. The cameras rolled and voila…garbage everywhere, poverty everywhere, dirt everywhere, instant slum. When the producers saw Belize City they must have been ecstatic…no need to create a slum, we’ve got one right here, boys.

Somebody just called and told me that it is official – Mayor Zenaida Moya has been kicked out of the United Democratic Party. So what? She came in under the UDP and she messed up under the UDP and wrecked the city under the UDP and mismanaged funds under the UDP and misappropriated funds under the UDP. SO SHE’S A DAMNED UDP…END OF STORY! She was Dean Barrow’s baby girl since the beginning. Everything she did, she did while she was under Dean Barrow’s protection. Dean Barrow was aware then and is aware now of everything that Zenaida Moya did in City Hall. His silence and inaction provided the Mayor with all the approval she needed to continue with her nonsense in City Hall. This thing is Dean Barrow’s fault. He caused this mess. And now he thinks his crap smells like roses because he’s had a ‘Zen-enema!’ Hell no, Dean, that doesn’t work like that.

UDP Chairman Doug Singh (who’s fodder for another story altogether) says - no worries, we can’t take her out of City Hall but we’ll ask the other real UDP Councilors to work along with her for the betterment of the city. Boss, you need lashing. This city hasn’t seen better since the UDP took over City Hall way back in 2006. It didn’t see better when Mayor Moya was at the top of her game. It didn’t see better when there was a UDP municipal administration and a UDP Central Government. It didn’t see better when Dean Barrow still thought that the sun rose and set on his golden girl. How the hell can you expect us to believe that we will see better now? There ain’t no way, you idiot.

We Belizeans have been silent on this issue too long. We need to get our asses over to City Hall and remind the Mayor of one of her favourite phrases back when she was still a sweaty, disheveled ‘pretending to be one of us’ wannabe politician – RESIGN OR BE REMOVED!

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