If Da Noh Soh

Bad Boys Bad Boys…

Word to this columnist is that plans for a new state of the art gym at the Queen Street Police Station are already being finalized. A source claims that the budget for uniform and overtime allowances is being cut and the funds re-allocated to ensuring that the fitness facility is outfitted with the latest equipment complete with trainer to ensure that the boys in uniform get buns of steel. No expense is being spared, not even in the shower area, though observers are wondering why the new Minister is insisting on one-way mirrors when even the interview rooms don’t have one-way mirrors…If Da Noh Soh!

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Cowering in fear…

Word from the streets is that criminals held a meeting last night after the interview with Doug Singh and they’re contemplating leaving the life of crime altogether. Hell, Dean Barrow should have done this a long time ago, observers are saying. The violent elements in the city are cowering in fear after Doug Singh’s bold proclamation that he would lead the charge against them by repainting the Police Station and clearing debris from the yard and keeping the rooms at the station spic and span. The image of Doug in a French maid’s uniform with feather duster in hand must have struck terror into the hearts of bloodthirsty gang-bangers. Oh, and Doug’s declaration that he would put the Police Officers on a diet must have terrified the criminals who ruthlessly shoot their victims in broad daylight. Oh what a sick sick joke…If Da Noh Soh!

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Carnival or not…

Last week there was one day when the Carnival cruise ship didn’t come to Belize because of the weather and it threw the whole economic system at the tourism village out of whack. Vendors, some of whom had travelled from far off districts, lamented at the loss of the day’s sales, as did a large network of restaurants and shops and tourist sites and tour guides. So imagine this possibility. This columnist has received reports that Carnival Cruise Line is considering cutting Belize from its route and stopping at an alternate destination. As we understand it, the top brass of Carnival are making the argument that crime has become a prohibitive risk and they are having problems selling the packages including Belize for that reason. In addition, we understand that management of the cruise line is pointing to the conditions of the city as deplorable and dilapidated. Hell, who’d blame a tourist for not wanting to come to disembark in this cesspool of a city? This is bad news for Belize, but there’s nobody to blame but the UDP which has allowed the city to deteriorate and has allowed crime to get completely out of control…If Da Noh Soh!

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Police vs. DPP’s Office…

Just in the past week about three serious cases against alleged hardcore criminals had to be thrown out because the prosecution didn’t have the case files to present. How messed up is that? It’s a problem that has plagued us for a while now and has resulted in criminals feeling that they have a get out of jail free card courtesy of the keystone cops et al. Anyway, during the search for truth since we insist that the truth will set you free, we discovered that there is currently a serious battle being waged between the Police Department and the DPP’s Office. Apparently that’s why so many case files aren’t being passed on to the DPP’s office and consequently, why so many cases are being thrown out for lack of prosecution. The top brass of the Police apparently aren’t concerned because the casual observer will always blame the DPP for any case that’s thrown out. Kids, please stop the fighting. Criminals are being set free while you all wrestle in the schoolyard…If Da Noh Soh!

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First class waste…

John Saldivar hacks people’s e-mail, or so he says, but I’ll bet he didn’t hack the e-mail containing the memo advising UDP ministers that the country is broke. We don’t have money, Jack. People are starving out here and the IMF says things aren’t looking so good and will get worse. You see, the porcine minister claims great intellectual prowess, so I have to believe that if he had seen that memo he would have known that first class travel isn’t included in the list of austerity measures for ministers. Oh wait, that list is just a figment of my imagination because UDP ministers don’t get to tighten their belts like the rest of us. Saldivar and his Chief Executive Officer were spotted coming back from their travels on Monday, reclining in first class in luxury. Enjoy it, fellows, cause the day of reckoning will soon be here. If Da Noh Soh!

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When, Mr. Barrow?

A couple weeks ago the bald one told university students that in this economic thing, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. He didn’t mention that he had put the first lady second wife there with a flashlight which she turned on at his command, but turned off as soon as hubby’s speech was done. But seriously mein, for the past 3 months Mr. Barrow has been proclaiming that things are looking up, that evidence shows that we have weathered this storm and are on an uphill climb. Boss, you must have dreamed that one while you were nestled in your king-sized feather-mattress bed in air-conditioned comfort. See what happens when you eat too much filet mignon and quaff too much Moet before hitting the sack? Things rough out ya, big man. There has been absolutely no sign that things are getting better. Ask anybody on the streets. Why does Mr. Barrow insist on fooling the people? The IMF is saying that the deficit is growing because this damned government keeps spending money on itself. That means there is worse to come. If Da Noh Soh!

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