If Da Noh Soh

Shell-shocked…!

Either he was still recovering from jumping up in the Carnival or exhausted from carrying that gigantic costume on his back – whatever it was, the little Police minister looked positively shell-shocked at yet another press conference held yesterday. He had no clue what was going on and didn’t even know when the Crime Control Council was set to meet and apparently the only jaguar on his mind was the one on his costume, because he didn’t even know if that operation was still ongoing. No worries, little buddy, we knew from the very beginning that your particular skills weren’t in the area of police work….but a little bird tells us you won’t be there very much longer…If Da Noh Soh!

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A new record…

Usually I crack myself up with this column but the spike in violent crimes is no laughing matter. Statistics show that there have been 22 more murders committed this year compared to the same period last year. Up to yesterday there were 93 murders and the way things are going, we’ll crack the 100 mark within the next couple weeks. Dougie in his confused state is scrambling around trying to make people think he actually has a functional brain in that limp little body – he wants to send people to Guatemala to train. Like I said, this is no laughing matter even though baldy has no problem chuckling at all those cocktails he attends all over the world. We are messed up…If Da Noh Soh!

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Mexico via Miami…

WTF…the Prime Minister travelled to Mexico over the weekend to make merry and drink champagne with our friends over there. We don’t mind, because it’s not like he’s doing anything here. Who knows, things might even get better with baldy gone for extended periods of time. But can somebody please tell me why baldy and the first lady second wife had to go all the way to Miami to overnight before getting on the plane to head back to Mexico? We checked with some people in the know and they say that old baldy would have been fine without the stopover in Miami, but the first lady second wife twisted his arm because she needed a couple new dresses and accessories for the Independence festivities. Jeez, I wonder what she had to do to get baldy to agree…YUCK…If Da Noh Soh!

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Incest anyone…

This latest crap with the Social Security Board and Barrow Telemedia Limited is hilarious in a really unfunny way. Hell, even the local media house not owned by Net Vasquez had to comment on how bizarre and incestuous it is. Mr. Barrow intends to use our money to buy major shares in the company he hijacked and is running down the drain. On the sellers side of the table we have baldy’s ex, the first wife second lady and the very slimy Net Vasquez, both of whom are pushing the deal to the players on the buyer’s side. On that side of the table we have…oh wait, look, it’s the first wife second lady and the lizard. This is like déjà vu all over again. The only thing is that Lois and Net aren’t reaching into their pockets to pay for the shares being sold to them by Lois and Net…they’re pushing their greedy paws into our pockets. I’ve got a feeling that this one isn’t going to fly cause word on the grapevine is that the unions are getting ready to mobilize…hmmm, well its about damn time…If Da Noh Soh!

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There’s a leak…

Word just in is that Merlene is on an all out manhunt for the SSB’s deep-throat, the well placed mole who is revealing all the dirty dealings from the bottom of the SSB/GOB pool. An article which ran in the Belize Times last week was chock full of information which was stamped ‘top-secret’ and kept under lock and key. My personal buddy Lois always gets her copy of the paper hot off the press and placed an immediate and not so nice call to my other buddy Merlene, disturbing her much needed beauty sleep (LOL). Hell, we got some news for Loisy and the beast…there’s a lot more where that came from. Here’s another bit of news, though this won’t come as much of a surprise…people at the SSB don’t like you…they don’t like you at all, even a teensy weensy little bit. There’re no leaks at the SSB, my friends, there’s a raging flood…get used to it. If Da Noh Soh!

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Are you with me…?

I guess its official. For months now the Belize Times has been stating that Corozal Mayor Hilberto ‘Casino’ Campos will go up against the dodo-bird electrician/minister Pablo Marin for the Corozal Bay seat. Hell, there’re probably flyers announcing his intentions pasted all over the walls at the casino. I was gonna say that anybody who didn’t know is a fool, but then I realized that even Pablo knew so that doesn’t quite work…lol! So anyway, Naco called a meeting with his executive and threw out the question – are you with me, companeros y amigos? So after the deafening silence died down (ha, I kill me) Naco started out with the threats, claiming that he had been assured of the backing of the great bald hope and the retarded (sorry Kim…I meant intellectually challenged) head of the UDP mafia in Orange Walk. According to Pablo, they know exactly who is supporting the Mayor in his bid for the Bay and those persons will be dealt with accordingly….you go Naco, show them who’s the boss…If Da Noh Soh!

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The death knell…

The Corozal Free Zone is dying a slow, painful death as more and more businesses close down and more employees are sent home to join the growing ranks of the jobless. Business owners are placing the blame squarely on baldy’s shoulders, though he certainly couldn’t give less of a damn about it. The Chairman of the Zone is always on the radio, but it’s always to promote himself and never anything to do with the Zone. Hell, lately he’s even joined the artsy crowd since he fancies himself a cultural connoisseur of sorts. Boss, art in the park is all well and good, but perhaps you should be more concerned with business in the zone…If Da Noh Soh!

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