If Da Noh Soh…

Freudian wear…

Baldy and the first lady second wife attended the Independence Day festivities in Belmopan decked out in the latest matching designer apparel…a sight to behold. And I hear they both thought they looked smashing until one of the Foreign Service officers asked Kim why they were dressed all in black, since the occasion should be one of celebration and the nation’s colours were red, white and blue. Word is that the first wife second lady didn’t turn the colours of the nation but she did turn a stunning shade of red…LOL. But you see, the black garb worn by the royal couple was the latest in Freudian wear, designed by the same fellow who invented the Freudian slip. Everybody in Belize knows that we are in a state of mourning for the death of the economy and the loss of life as we know it…the royal couple have pretended not to notice but we see that they do…If Da Noh Soh!

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Ambassador for children?

Perhaps somebody could tell me…is the first wife second lady still the Ambassador for children in Belize, cause we haven’t heard her say much in the wake of the recent murders of innocent children in the city. I don’t remember her saying a word when a small boy was riddled with bullets in an act of senseless homicide. In fact, apart from her famous ‘mi bally’ ad aired over and over and over again, the first lady second wife hasn’t had much to say, has she? Just recently we were looking for her at the funeral of Eyannie Lopez, the 8 year old girl who was killed as she lay sleeping in her bed, but nope, Kim wasn’t there. Oh shoot, it just slipped me – I had forgotten that Kim was with the hubby in Miami for a quick shopping trip before heading down to Mexico to watch fireworks and drink champagne. Hmmm…either the high ranking, highly paid officer who is assigned to watch over Kim’s high-priced government funded office isn’t doing her job, or the first lady second wife didn’t think the death of a child was important enough to cut short her shopping spree and fireworks party…we’ve been reliably informed that it’s the latter…If Da Noh Soh!

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He shyned so bright…

And talking about Ambassadors who share the same last name and the same bald guy in their lives, has anybody seen my buddy Shyne…anybody? A few months ago Shyne was made the Musical Ambassador of Belize (thanks to Daddy Dean trying to make up for a lifetime of neglect), an example to all our young people countrywide. I guess he was supposed to teach them the ins and outs of gangster rap, smoking crack and popping caps in ‘niggaz’ heads, cause that’s all his music was all about. That boy had not a clue about Belize or about music in Belize, but a tug on daddy Dean’s guilty heartstrings had him bypassing musical greats who have devoted decades to the promotion and preservation of Belizean music and culture. Last we heard, say about two months ago, was when the proud daddy told a media gathering that his much beloved son (yeah right) was hard at work writing a song about Belize…hmmm! Man stop yu fool no Dean…that guy couldn’t write a song about Belize cause he doesn’t know nothing about Belize…nothing. He could write a song about deadbeat dads who run away from their responsibilities (oh wait, he has) and he could write a song about life in the pen and he could write a song about life on the mean streets of America, but that dude don’t know about Belize. Give the guy some shares in BTL, why don’t you, and give the title of Music Ambassador to somebody who deserves the honour…If Da Noh Soh!

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Monetary Policy 101…

Baldy looked like he was suffering from an extreme case of constipation while the Leader of the Opposition was giving his address and telling the nation just how much crap we’re in thanks to the idiots in charge. I hear that in the middle of the address baldy pulled out a pen and started scribbling note on his prepared speech – kinda like damn, damn, damn, I better make up some stuff now so people don’t realize that I’m a complete dud. Hell, no wonder the bald one’s address was chock full of things which he claims his government plans on doing (not what they’ve done mind you – that would have stretched even his powers of delusion too far). And get this…baldy says that he will now bring in the World Bank so that they can teach the commercial banks how to bring down interest rates for the business community…what the hell! We don’t need the World Bank to tell us what to do…it’s elementary. Boss, you may not know this since economics isn’t your forte, but it’s the Central Bank, stupid. The PM’s bally Glen Ysaguirre is the one who should be leading the charge in designing and implementing monetary policy. That’s what he’s there for, not for leaking confidential banking documents to the UDP media (oops, did I let that little cat out of the bag)….If Da Noh Soh!

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Her true calling…

Our ‘beloved’ Mayor of our ‘beautiful’ Belize City has found her true calling and word is that she’s contemplating a change of career (keep your fingers crossed). Damn, but that woman is a fantastic MC/DJ following in the footsteps of her hubby Dalla. On Independence Day the Mayor took over the mic on the stage at Memorial Park and hyped up that crowd to a frenzy, bigging up this one and bigging up that one, throwing up gang signs and all that. It was a thing of beauty…take  my word for that. I gotta tell you that we’ll be sorry to see her go but if she’ll be happier with a mic in her hand than dealing with the affairs of the city, we’ll put our tears away and be strong. Hell, for damned sure we’ll be happier with her hand on a mic than her hands in our pockets…jeez! But before you go, Mayor, would you be so kind as to tell us how much you paid your hubby to deal with the entertainment at the Memorial Park…see, we’ve heard that he got $13,000 for the day’s work but we said, nah, not our Mayor who has never done a wrong thing in her life; never paid herself a cent more than she was supposed to and always looking out for Belizeans. Nope…our ‘beloved’ Mayor would never do that. Say it ain’t so, Z…If Da Noh Soh!

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Mayor Campos’ float…

Things are sure heating up in the north as Mayor Hilberto Campos has hit the campaign trail big time after declaring that he will be the man to unseat the dodo-bird/electrician/minister Naco in Corozal Bay. Last week Naco was spreading the word that he has both baldy and the retard in his corner and they will crack the whip if anybody dares to back ‘Casino’ Campos. But the crafty Campos had his own trick up his sleeve, since he got baldy to promise to fix streets in the municipality which will make him look good. According to Campos…why would the brilliant baldy support the dodo-bird over him? Makes a sick kinda sense I guess…it’s gonna be war in Corozal Bay and we’ll be there every step of the way…If Da Noh Soh!

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